A poem by Bethany Rutt

Give me a grave I can
weep by. Give me a shrine
to the girl that I was
and the girl who came after.
Give me a patch in the garden
something I can dig my fists into
to get to the root of it.

Give me a map and a timeline.
Point me to where I went wrong
where I should have said stop
when I should have said no
who I should have spoken to.

Give me a box for the guilt.
With a padlock and key
and a password that sounds
something like anything other
than my name on repeat.

Show me how I can get over
the way that I felt
the way I still feel.
Give me a opt out, a note
an excuse
to everyone who comes after

I’m sorry but Bethany won’t be able
to participate today or the next or the –

Give me a word I can scream to the sky

Bethany Rutt

Having graduated from York St John University in 2015 with a 1st class degree in English Literature and Creative Writing, Bethany is now a Marketing Officer for Cast, the theatre in Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Her writing takes inspiration from personal experiences, popular culture and current social issues, often exploring the ever-evolving worlds of gender politics, sexuality and relationships.

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