No News Is Good News by Jackson Davies

Welcome to the first poem chosen for March by our guest editor, Jessie Joe Jacobs, who is part of the We Are Our Media collective working to bring ‘alternative tabloids’ to the  people of the north east, written by the people of the north east!

No News is Good News

You might be under the impression we live in a democracy

And not some kind of baron mediaocracy

With all the papers spinning news and the stories that they choose

They want you to focus on mediocrity


The Daily Hate Mail claims to represent

The ordinary people who say they resent

State interference on their own two cents

And demand the return of good old common sense

Despite the fact the paper’s position

Is one of right wing absolutism

And regular inclusion of lies of omission

That happen to align with Paul Dacre’s vision

Of a Britain of old with politics on the right

And Enoch Powell saying “Keep Britain White”

And it’s a business’s choice, no in fact it’s right

To pay workers little and not let them unite

They don’t see the irony of publishing stories

Of high profile sex offenders (as long as they’re not tories)

Alongside photos of teenage girls in bikinis

(Taken without consent) in all of their glories

They want to return to the days of the Empire

Refusing to see that they’re lining the pyre

For a squalid little island consigned to the fire

Of history, willingly led there by liars


No news is good news –

They’ve all got a fucking agenda

Whether right wing views

Or neo-liberal values

They all find a way to offend yer


All the obnoxious pricks under the Sun

Take the same message and make it into one

Of hate and distrust next to “Page 3 fun”

Hidden in plain sight in a headline pun

Right wing writers and gutter journalists

Hack into dead girls’ phones for a list

Of exclusives and prevent the raising of fists

And are punished with nothing but a slap on the wrist

Rupert Murdoch is the closest living man

To a bond villain intent on ruling the land

Or the world, he prefers, telling people to stand

Against immigrants and labour and socialist plans

And there’s this pretense of being for the working class

When the writers and editors who contribute to this farce

Are from Eton and they happen to know each other from class

They distract their readership with sport, tits and cars

Even the government relies on this excuse for news

To spin scandals and stories in a way that they choose

Since the days of Campbell, and all those whose

Objections to war are mocked for the views

By the same fucking paper, who after Chilcot came out

Decided the war in Iraq was wrong with no doubt

When in 2003 they were leading the shout

For invasion and WMDs, you can “read all about”


No news is good news –

They’ve all got a fucking position

On a woman’s right to choose

Or “Labour’s Election Blues”

They’re all against real opposition


The BBC is no better with all the top jobs

Being taken by the ex-tory minister mobs

Who unironically use the word “yobs”

When talking about those whose money they rob

As regular people are “clearly unable

To make the right choice to keep the establishment stable”

And don’t even get me started on Sky

Like Fox News UK, they can’t help but lie

Just making up bullshit and letting it fly

To control the media narrative we buy

They brand me submersive for the way I react
And they call us sore losers for believing in facts
And ignore the mandates for centrist attacks
So at least Whitehall remains still intact
But what it really suggests is a panicked elite
Reeling on the ropes and sensing defeat
As they seem to be struggling with the usual technique
Of planting stories in papers and setting lies on repeat
And it’s dark times ahead like the last days of Rome
As those who hate the poor still cling to the throne
While thousands are dead and that’s just the ones who are known
From war, from famine, and from cuts to those left to struggle alone

But maybe (just maybe) traditional media is on the way out

And something different is providing the clout

Like Twitter and other online sources about

The real news by real people and real words that they tout


So the Sun sets and the Express runs late

The Star burns out and The Times misses the date

The Guardian protects no-one and gets no rebate

The Telegraph’s obsolete like it’s technological namesake


The Independent and “i” get ignored and spurned

The Mirror shows no reflection when turned

And the worst one of all gets what it’s earned

As the Mail and it’s writers go to hell and get burned


They have no journalistic integrity

They set whatever they choose

For their mates in the city

And it’s more the pity

That no news is ever good news

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